I'm sorry. That's all I've fucking got.

Venting on a Bad Day.

You can go.
You can start all over again.
You can try to find a way to
make another day go by.
You can hide.
Hold all your feelings inside.
You can try to carry on when all
you want to do is cry.

List of things gone wrong today:
1.) Sister stole the computer in the morning. (How terrible, I know.)
2.) We were out of Irish Creme coffee creamer (Once again, terrible.)
3.) I forgot my permission slip to go bowling on Friday at home, today was the deadline. I called Mom to see if she could bring it.
4.) Mom forgot.
5.) I'm failing band because of the fucking smart music.
6.) This last weekend was my last one to do it before the quarter, I now have to do it at home.
7.) When I got home Mom and 3M started screaming at eachother. Full out screaming. I haven't heard Mom yell like that since she got her perscription. I've never heard 3M yell like that.
8.) While I was sitting at the computer, hiding from everyone, playing World of Warcraft and listening to Someday by Rob Thomas for god knows how long, all the adults decided to talk in the room I was in. Mom was crying cause she felt bad and, I learned, hadn't taken her pills for two days. (I think she's out.) Housemate was gicing good, even advice.. she's good at that. Dad started talking about how the whole house was very stressfilled and such, what with all the people. He told Mooch (3M's dad, who's living with us til it gets warm again) how pretty much the whole house wants him to get into shape. (He specifically said how either me or Sister before he was living with us asked when he'd leave almost every night.) I was stuck typing on the loud keyboard and trying to ignore it all.
9.) The Jubbler and I were having a depressing conversation. How our relationship isn't feeling perfect, and how things aren't just... you know. Perfect. He's liked me for so long (I recently heard a song in Spanish called Obsession..) and I don't think I love him as much as he loves me. On top of that, I'm so busy with school, other people, YML, CONvergence etc. that I pretty much have no time to make things perfect. ... It's all just... Yeah.
10.) People wanted me to post on YML, I was too busy hiding from the world in WoW.
11.) When I came into my room, after being kicked off, it smelled like old milk, turns out 3M left her chocolate milk on Sister's bed and it spilled. We had to clean that up.
12.) My window had mold on it because of all the condensation it gets.
13.) Dad was cranky when he came in to help.
14.) I wanted everyone the fuck out of my room so that I could relax, and maybe cry.
15.) When Dad asked if I was okay I almost started to cry. He wasn't looking so he didn't notice.
16.) When everyone left I turned on my Mp3... unfortunately, the screen decided to stop working between my walk home from the bus and then... so I can't see what's being played and I can't change my playlist. So.. If I decide to listen to any other Hollywood Undead songs I can't.
17.) My spanish isn't done and I can't get my brain to operate in a different language.
18.) Mom just came into my room and started talking to me about band.

There. That's my list. Now it's bedtime, I have barely gotten a SECOND to myself and my eyes are stinging because The Jubbler called me and I started crying a while back. (Between 16 and 17.)
I need to post on YML... I also need to send out an Updation... and do the MOTM... Dammit...

First CONvergence meeting of the season on Saturday... it should be fun.

.... God.. I feel like I'm venting on about shit that makes me sound self-centered because other people have it oh so worse. I just want everything to be back to normal. I'm so fucking stressed from trying so hard to stay happy on top of it all and trying not to show my parents how much I'm being affected by everything.
I've been hiding a lot more than usual. I think about Gotham and crap, writing, (the thing I need to write is super cheesy but I feel kinda like I want it, but then don't... it's all confusing) but I haven't gotten much done lately. I play WoW to hide...
I'm waiting for it to all blow away, even though I know it won't.

I really feel like the song 'Someday' by Rob Thomas (I mentioned it before) describes how I'm feeling. It was running through my head all day. All. Fucking. Day.

Now I'm off to go read Spazm's newest post, because it didn't load for me before.

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out.
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make
things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live
our lives out loud.
We'll be better off somehow. Someday.

I Really Need To Post More Often...

Alright. Lemme try to sum up everything?

Nevermind.

I just went and saw Paranormal Activity with Spazm. That was a really good movie! It's all like... paranormal...y.
Creepiest part: The chick standing and staring at the sleeping dude without moving for two fucking hours.
Best part: Hearing the reactions of the large party of plastics in front of us. :)
Oh, and the fun comic relief Spazm and I got from eachother and the dudes' right in front of us. (He has a foot fetish... heehee.)
After the end we decided to go get Subway. Cause there are no demons in Subway.
We decided that Crane must have a mental breakdown in the story.
The plastic party came in.
I got chocolate milk.
We called Dad and got strange looks from people while we waited for him. I was laughing really hard, it was a lot like what happened the... second? time I went to see Dark Knight. It was fun :)

Three new movies that are gonna come out I wanna see. Shudder Island, the one about an insane asylum but the doctors don't let people who come in go out; Avatar (not the last airbender), the one with the blue people and the allegory of Americans and their idea that if we want something other people have no right to be living on it; and The Lovely Bones, which looked kick ass. The commercial gave me shivers. It's about a girl who was murdered but she's not actually dead and- yeah. It looked awesome!

Let's move to school now!

School is good. Ms. English Teacher is amazing, CONvergence... geeks. Fencing. It's all good.
I like Mr. Study Skills and Honors teacher, he's funny. I don't have any classes with him (cause all my classes are for freakin' sophomores cause the scheduling got all screwed.) But I do his office hours and he's funny. He tells us jokes at the end of the day. It's cool :)
I have finally won the battle of tables. The annoying girls overtook my table, so I had to sit with the annoying jocks. With my fun people spread out between the two. NOW the annoying girls and the annoying jocks all sit together and I get the fun people! BOOM!
Mr. Civics Teacher is still fun. But he wasn't here today, and won't be Monday. Sad day.
I still don't like Spanish and Chemistry. Ms. Chemistry Teacher is too freaking uptight. Chemistry is so confusing and people have lots of questions, but it seems like she gets pissed if you ask her questions so nobody wants to. And then when we have work time we can't work with other people and figure things out. Gr.
I've realized that a guy, whom I will call- no wait. I've talked about him before! What'd I call him? *checks back* Okay. I talked about him before but didn't give him a name except maybe one of the Jackass numbers.
He's the first guy (besides Gym teacher) we killed in the story. I'll call him Capuchin.
So! I realized that in almost every class I have he sits next to me or behind me. He's in all of my classes except one and then doesn't sit next to me in only two. Band: he doesn't have. Civics: behind me. Geometry: Next to me. Nutrition: Other side of the room. English: diagonalish back way there. Spanish: Behind me. Chemistry: next to me.
Talking to me has been one of his favorite past times now. All the time he's all like "Paroxysm, Paroxysm, Paroxysm," and kicks my chair or just turns to me, I look at him and ask what, "it's raining."
"Cool." I turn back.
"Paroxysm, Paroxysm, Paroxysm," kick, kick, kick.
"What?"
"I love rain."
"Me too." I turn back. That's literally what he did in spanish one time.
Then, here, Chemistry.
"Hey, Paroxysm, guess what."
"What?"
"Chicken butt."
"I haven't heard that since third grade."
"Hey, Paroxysm, guess what."
"What."
"Chicken butt."
"Hm."
"Hey, Paroxysm, guess what."
"Hm."
"Chicken butt."
"Hm."
He did it about... I dunno, three more times?
What's really sad is that last year he wouldn't touch me and my friends with a 30foot cattle prod. ... He's so freaking childish!

Alright. Enough rambling about him.

Jubbler's been really happy the past week. No sad conversation, no frustration. I'm loving it. (Don't sue me McDonalds.) We're gonna hang out all weekend, it's gonna be great!
We're gonna go to our school's halloween parties. Mine first, then his. His is gonna be more fun. Mine you don't wear costumes. Yuck. His, you get in free if you're wearing one!
I spent some time figuring out how to get my mask to work with my hair and lah-di-dah.
I'm finally feeling great about our relationship. I'm not scared anymore. He's happy, which is making it so much better. I think, and hope, that we're both feeling great about it.

Oh! And happy happy happy news!!! Spazm now has a boyfriend! :D :D
This makes me very happy. Hehehe.

Alright... I think I am out of talking now!

Wait, maybe not-

Nevermind. I AM done. hehehe.

Writing: Been doing it, but currently stuck in a writers block.
Reading: Stuck in a reading block too. It leaves me with nothing to do when I've finished classwork.
Music: Across the Universe. Hehe. I think my favorite one right now is 'Helter Skelter' it's fun to sing. :) I'm back on Skillet's 'Whispers in the Dark' and Breaking Benjamin's 'Diary of Jane.'

Peace~

I'm Starting To Wonder If Guys PMS Too..

So, I hung out with Jubbler from 6AM till 4 today. It was great, we watched Moulin Rouge and talked a lot. Both in that whole coma of happiness zen thingmabob.

But now he's all sad and afraid, because I mentioned that I think I might be bisexual. Mom says it's just a phase and it'll go away, that almost every girl thinks that at some point, but he's all nervous now and afraid of everyone I hang out with because he doesn't want to lose me.
Dedication is an amazing thing, huh?

It's amazing how fast things can go from perfect to "Oh-fuck-I-screwed-up-again." It's like changing songs on an Mp3 player. One song is happy and Beatles-ish, then the next one is Watch the World Burn from the Dark Knight Soundtrack (And once again, he refuses to believe that anything is ever my fault.) I shouldn't have mentioned it.. Damn.

He blames himself for everything, I don't understand it. He feels like he can't trust me with people now, I think it's because of the bitch I was to him in 4th grade, but he gets scared of when I'm with guys and now with girls too.

Dammitt.

Alright.

Calm.

Okay, seriously? How long can he refuse to believe that I'm not perfect? I can't BE perfect like he expects me to be! I'm going to end up letting him down and then he'll be sad or not trust me anymore or something.

On a happier note, Twin is doing a spanish project on family... she's doing our YML family.

Is This Good or Sad?

Wanna know how good I am? I'll tell you how good I am.

I'm having a conversation with Jubbler and I want to burst into tears.
Yet, I'm on YML, talking to one other person on facebook, AND on the phone with Twin and Avril. And nobody know's that I want to cry.
Earlier I was on skype, video chatting and they didn't know something was wrong.

Yeah, that's how fucking sad I am. I've gotten so good at hiding I can do THIS.

... And NOW I'm gonna feel all selfish for writing this and then I'm gonna think about what other people will think about it and then feel even MORE selfish and this is NOT helping that status!

-I'm just gonna go.

The Post I Will Probably Regret Putting Up Almost Immediately After I Do So.

Me and Jubbler just had a conversation filled with a bunch of preaching, on both of our parts. Heh.

The thing is, I'm really not sure I wanna say this. Cause I'm pretty sure that I shouldn't. But I also want it to be said... if that makes any sense at all. Maybe I shouldn't post this...

It started with homework, and how I could help him with it. Then I realized I was being preachy, so I said so and he's like, you're just trying to help, it's no problem. Since when is that a bad thing?



You know what? Nevermind. I'm not gonna post this. I'm just gonna go to bed and mull over the possibilities of life. ;D

Have a good night whoever (if anyone) is reading this.

A Post While Bleaching Hair.

Heh, so I'm bleaching my hair. Which is like personal torture...
I've got about.... 35 minutes left I think, and in about five I'm gonna be spazzing and unable to talk! Yay!

Anyways, on Friday is game night for my school. I'm bringing Jubbler so he can kick everyone's asses at Super Smash Bros. Heehee.
Yesterday he came to my bus stop before school, it made me happy :) then later he came over and signed the game night stuff. He told me that he was thinking more properly and such, aka, not running away or anything. Hehe.

I have chocolate milk. Yay :)

I wrote that story thing using 'Young'. I'm going to post it on YML. I'm proud of it. But, as always, it could be better.
Speaking of... Spazm and I should go through the first story and revise it... hm...

Ela's got a bunch of new friends at her school. I'm glad she's having fun.
There's one from Ireland, one had schizophrenia... I'd love to meet these people ;)

Spazm's having fun too, for the most part. She's got friends and good classes :)
Unfortunately, she's sick as a dog right now :(

On that note, Squishy, our 4 year old day care kid, had a 106 degree fever the other day. Yup.
He had to go to the emergency room.
The next day, while he was on the fever decreasing meds, his mom had him go out with grandma.
I don't think this woman realizes that if it weren't for doctors nowadays he would most likely be dead.
He came over as normal and seems fine now. Which is good.
What always bugs me is that the parents of these kids, Squishy and his older brother Minireggie, never seem to be able to take care of their kids! Or at least Moneygod (the mother) can't. PetSnakeReggie (the father) does fine with it, but he's virtually controlled by Moneygod so...
It's sad really.

8 minutes to go.... *counting vigorously*

I posted that story up on YML. Speaking of, we have 3 new members! I repeat THREE new members!! :D :D :D

I've been wearing my trench coat to school lately, lots of "nice/sweet coat, Tabby"s. Hehehe, this one guy, who I will call Hunter, was about to leave when he turned around and went "SWEET coat!" I was like: "It IS!"
I've been having fun with school.

I went to back to school night and got awards for winning things from Myths and Epics in the State Fair. A T-shirt made by Ms. Myth with awards on it, and a hand made first prize medal :)
I'm gonna be a teachers assistant for the next classes :D

Also, I'm thinking about starting up a Batman Club at school. I've got the artist guy from CONvergence willing to supervise it (He draws the Batman comics for DC, so I'll call him Batman) and I just need to gather up the guts to do that.
Also, take a trip to Half-Price books and get the other Batman movies! I can borrow some of the tv episodes from PetSnakeReggie and them....
Hm. I still don't know if I want to do it.

Anyways, gotta go wash my hair. Tootles.

A 'What-if' Machine.

I suppose there are lots of things I could talk about in the world. The Kayne West incident (poor Taylor Swift..), Patrick Swayze...
Unfortunately, I don't know enough about the world to actually talk about what you all hear about.
I don't know enough about hell of a lot of things to comment on them.
I DO agree with Spazm that America is the cause of most of the problems in the world. And I think that BEFORE we decide to go attack other people in order to start a revolution FOR them and give THEM democrasy we should fix our own damn problems. I mean, seriously?! We were able to create our own system that works for us, it doesn't mean that other people want it. And it certainly doesn't mean that we need to MAKE other people use it.
Anyways, I'm actually here to talk about other stuff.


The Jubbler's having hard times.
I don't understand most of it.
Apparently, his school in the HS is A LOT harder than the Middle school, and not as fun. He's lost his friend, Jiggloid, and now hates him. He doesn't understand most of the work at school. And he feels like nobody likes him.
He won't talk to his parents because he says he can't relate to them. And I can understand that feeling, but I think that he just needs to know and hear that they love him and care about what happens with his life.
He won't come to my school because he doesn't know what it would do to our relationship.
He won't go to any other cause he doesn't know anybody there.
He's already asked for extra help and it apparently didn't work.
He's considering running away from it all. He doesn't want to be with his family and he's just so scared... I think.

I don't know how he'd survive out alone.
I don't know how I'd live if something happened to him.
I know that sounds horrible, but really. I feel so bad for him, and I don't want him to leave.
I know that I should tell someone, like his family... but it's so hard. He'd get angry, he'd feel betrayed...
I don't know what to do honestly.

I wish I could see the future, or see what I can do to make the future good. A "What if" machine, like I saw in Futurama one time.


I'm done talking for now. I don't think I could explain how I'm feeling if I tried.
I just want things to turn out well...


Music:
I like Young by Hollywood Undead right now. I'm thinking about writing a mini story with it in it.
Me and 3M might go to a concert with them.

Currently, at this moment, I'm enjoying the depressing voice of Amy Lee as she sings Hello and Imaginary..

Peace.

School

So, school's started. I'm enjoying it, and now I'm not sure if I want to change.
My mind changes constantly, I wanna go to this other school, but then I like the school I go to now.

*sigh* it's frustrating. It'd be cool if I didn't have to decide... O.o

And, to explain my new school, I'm going to copy what I said to a person who was thinking of transferring there! (Names changed of course.)

Her: i dont really have any idea what its like there though, could you tell me about it..?

Me: Well... I think you'd be picking the electives you want and such, also whether you're in Geometry vs. Algebra and Physical Science vs. Chemistry. Most of the teachers are cool. The Math teachers (whichever one you get) are nice, I haven't gotten to know Ms. Geometry Teacher that well, but I know Ms. Calculus from 6th grade and she's cool. Ms. Chemestry Teacher, the science teacher, is funny and usually happy. She tells a lot of good stories. Mr. Civics Teacher is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. He's the history/civics teacher. He did a great impression of Bella's acting in the hospital part of Twilight... (ARRRRR!! I'M SO FULL OF TEENAGE ANGERRR!!)
Hehe... anyways. Ms. Spanish Teacher, the Spanish teacher is nice and happy and bubbly, but for some odd reason she's not one of my favorites.. :-/ Who am I forgetting..? Oh, Ms. Nutrition Teacher is the French teacher, she's nice.. she's also short and refers to herself in the third person.
That scares me.

We all have lunch after 4th hour. And at the end of the day we get an hour to do open gym, or office hours. (Or the student lounge/game room when it opens. (It's gonna have a Wii!)) Office hours you get to go to a classroom of a teacher who's open and do homework, but if you choose the right classroom with a bunch of your friends you can talk with them and with the teacher. I haven't had to do any homework at home yet! haha
OHMYGOD. I forgot Ms. English Teacher, the English teacher. She's awesome. Haha, but that just might be my personal opinion... she's a geek like me so... =P
She lived in Japan for a few years and she's really nice, funny and casual with the way she teaches.

I think that's about it..


Hehehe, with Ms. English Teacher, she actually goes to CONvergence! :D

So, now I have to decide if I want to move. Next year I'd be able to take psychology with Mr. Civics Teacher if I stay. And I'm not sure if the new school lets you choose electives (didn't sound like it)
But if I stay then I'd have to tell everyone at other school that I'm not coming like they thought I was. Also, it DOES sound like fun...

Friends.

Sometimes I'm reminded of just how important the people in my life are to me.
Like just now.

I fucked up while talking to Spazm, and it got her angry. I feel like a bitch.
And I feel confused.
I talked to Ela to see try and figure out what to do.
This is what was said.

Me: Why am I so damn good at frustrating Spazm?
*sighs*
Ela: jgtlogdohAWKI
the same reason ur frustating me right now
Me: Dammit. Maybe I should just shut up for a while.
Ela: gah! ur doing it again
Me: What am I doing?? I hate not being able to understand..
Ela: do u want me to explain
Me: Yes, I'd like that very much.
Ela: u really wotn afterwords tho
Me: No, I know, afterwards I'm gonna feel horrible, depressed and like a bad person. I'm gonna be pissed at the world and probably want to spend some time blasting 'Bad Day' and writing whatever depressing things I can.
But at least then I'll know what the hell I'm doing wrong.
Ela: exclty, if you dotn want to now
so im not gonna tell u because i couldent cant and probely never will be able to do that to you, because i care about u and thats a big thing, that few will ever know, dotn be depressed, u have enought friends and stuff who like you. who would proboly ki

The chat box cut it of there.
She just called me and finished it, saying people who would kill for me, that I shouldn't be depressed and that I have so many people who care for me, love me and... yeah.
She gave me a pep rally and made me listen to happy songs, not depressing.

I also was talking with Jubbler while talking with her, well, more venting. But it wasn't angry venting. I was confused and depressed and just needed to say it. He made me feel happy, and laugh through the tears that got yanked out of me from Ela's speech. I couldn't decide if they were happy tears or sad tears.... probably both.


I think right now what I really want to say is I love my friends and sometimes I just need to know that they love me back.
God, thank you Ela and Jubbler for making me realize just how amazing both of you are in the past 24 hours. I might have learned more in that time than I have all school year.

And Spazm, I'm sorry. I truely am, for any shit that I've done to piss you off, for not knowing how to help or what to say, for being bitchy or selfish, for seeming indifferent or being ignorant or just too damn cheerful.

And thanks to all three of you, for tolerating every mistake I make and sticking with me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Meh, more random stuff.

Yay. New jeans. Happy happy.
What's happier than that is that I got TWO, not one, TWO Dark Knight posters!!
So that means I have two Joker shirts, one Arkham shirt, a Joker sweatshirt, a Joker hat, three Gotham stories, the Dark Knight soundtrack, the special 2 disk of Dark Knight and now TWO posters! :D
All I need is the two-disk Batman Begins, that one Joker shirt I saw before and I need to find a Scarecrow poster.
...Wow. That is really, really sad.

You know, I was kinda hoping to have a simple, calm weekday without kids... Just me and 3M while Mom's at the pool with the kids. Of course, 3M's dad had to come. :-/
He bugs me. I'm sorry, but he really does. I don't like or trust him.
Oh well.

So I hung out with Spazm. Hehehe, that was fun.
And the cake wasn't a lie. :D
It was damn good too.
We watched Wizards (poor Peace...) and Kathy Griffin and wrote in the story.
The next day we watched The Diary of Bridget Jones. My God that movie is adorable!!
Then we went to the park and brainstormed for the story.
I think we got lots of good stuff, like a plot (xD). I just need to figure out what exactly to do with a certain character. =P
YAY RIDDLER!
Unfortunately, I'm virtually no good at riddles so... Hehe, whatever. It'll work and it's amazing so far.
I love those little genius moments. They're fun.
I had one when writing the self-rp for YML.

So I got to see my Aunt from Michigan yesterday. I had fun with her! I love my relatives, this visit was pretty much completely unexpected, so it made me happy. I'm probably not gonna see her until next summer now.
Unfortunately, her husband (who she just married) wasn't able to come. I like him.
I also wasn't able to see my cousins, they didn't come either. I hope they can all come soon. I haven't seen one of them for so long...

Oh, and along the way I got to have fun listening to an amazing song about burning cities while driving there.
I had so much fun with that.
That song is actually perfect for if we ever finish the screenplay of the story. For some fun mind manipulation stuff :)

So last night I was feeling depressed for no reason whatsoever (and I finished a bunch of self-rp for YML) then when I left my room the phone rang. It was midnight.
It was Jubbler, and he was feeling really sad. He mentioned that he hadn't slept for two days because he's still afraid that I'm only going out with him because of pity.

In fourth and fifth grade I was a bitch. He liked me then and wouldn't let me forget it but I didn't like him back. At one point I got sick of him talking to me so I said I would go out with him.
Then at the end of the day I told him I had just said it to get him to stop.
I told him that if I was going out with him because of pity he would know by now. I can't pull a charade like that for very long.

Earlier I had mentioned that it was possible that our relationships would be one of those on-off things that the gossip freaks love to follow.
Later I realized that I was wrong and I was fine with waiting, I quote, "for years and years and years until we're twenty and able to spend forever with eachother."

I think we both ended up crying slightly. By the end of the conversation it had become happier. He said that he'd probably be able to sleep and he remembered he couldn't charge his phone, so he had to go. I said I loved him and when I went back to the computer everyone on YML had gone. But I felt so much happier than before.
So much happier.

I love ending these on happy notes.

Writing Update: Still need to go to somewhere to relax and write stories that aren't batman.
But I love the batman stuff :)
Reading Update: Reading my little book on Criminal Psychology. Its rather depressing, so it's going slowly.
Music Update: That amazing song about burning cities.
It's called City by Hollywood Undead. I LOVE it! Spazm also showed me the best video of it everr! It's used with Dark Knight clips, because it fits PERFECTLY. As the maker, TheTokyoRejects, said: A match made in hell.

I will not die in the night, but in the light of the sun,
With the ashes of this world in my lungs.

Final Note: I AM SO THE MASTER!!

Possibly the Post That Will Leave Out So Much It's Not Even Funny.

Well, haven't posted for a long, long while.
Lots has happened, probably gonna forget a lot of it.

Family Friend and her evil dog, and 3M have moved in with us. We've got a full place, especially with 3M's dad coming every (other?) day.

I'm having another Pod Party today. Twin, Ela, Spazm, and... Puppy? I don't remember what I called her. O.O Avril couldn't come this time and the other buddy who couldn't come last time is coming this time, I'll call her Dimples. Hehehe... That'd make her laugh.
We're gonna watch T.V shows, like Psych and Doctor Who. And Puppy's bringing Across the Universe again! She's also bringing soundtracks for all of us! :D

I went to Spazm's birthday party, my god that was fun!!
We went to the park and sang Beatles music while we played around. There was lots of laughing involved, hehe.
Her sister made a seven-layer chocolate cake, really yummy. For presents, Ela got her make-up and Twilight. I got her a bag she liked and the Across the Universe soundtrack.

The tornado siren's going off. But I don't really wanna go downstairs. Spazm's called and now I'm all worried... I'm staying here though. =P

Yesterday Jubbler came by to grab his bike and was outside, hehe, he called and told me to come out. It was sweet.
And yeah, it sounds cheezy, but we sat and watched the stars for a bit. :D

Alright, the carpet is being shampooed and we've got 30 minutes until people are officially supposed to be coming.

Though Ela just came... 30 minutes early ;) Smooth Ela! haha

Wow, I probably skipped like a whole month of stuff... whatever.

Music Update: Currently like Forever by Papa Roach and lots of Across the Universe music.
Reading Update: I got Angels and Demons, Red Dragon and Hannibal as well as a book about psychology in crime scenes. (Oh, I got Sims 3 too!)
Writing Update: Started the third one, not moving as fast through it as we usually do but it's good so far. :)
Need to work on Ghost and the story with Twin. I was gonna go to the coffee shop and get some done, but I never got time even though I was trying to have me-time. :-/

Hehe, all done for now!

A Post That May Be Really Long But Might Not Because I Might Space Off Because This Has To Mention Lots.

So CONvergence was the most amazing thing ever!!! I made new friends and had lots of fun. The only bad part was when Dad had a emotional break down. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry.
I enjoyed it though, and next year is the bad guys year so I get to have a supervillain name :)

Yay, quick way to sum up long, long time. It was great!

I FINALLY got to hang out with Ela. I had fun :) We went and saw Al Franken and my old Science Teacher was the lead singer for the band! She got me a freaking BEAUTIFUL necklace from Italy. We stayed up until 5:30am :) It was great too. I had lots of fun!

Today I'm going over to my friends' house, I'll call them Kitty, Happy and Dragon. We're going to watch Batman Begins and The Dark Knight :)

Spazm and I are almost done with the sequel :) I'm really excited. I've finished what I need to write and so has she but we can't get together for a long time, she's off at her cabin right now and I'm doing things with LOTS of other people. I think the soonest we can get together is next Tuesday. Which is really sad because I really, REALLY wanna read what she wrote.

I also want to plan out another party with "the pod". That'll be cool :)

Wow, I'm doing a lot. Today I'm sleeping over at the girl's house (Oh! they're the Trio now!), on Thursday there might be a CONvergence teen meet up, Friday I'm watching HP6 with the Jubbler :), Sunday I'm hanging out with Twin to discuss story... both of those will probably be sleepovers. I like to have breaks in between my sleepovers so that I don't... you know... DIE? =P

It'll all be cool :)


Writing Update: Stuck on Ghost. AND I'm at the interesting part... it's really sad. The sequel is almost done, happy happy fun fun! The book wtih Twin is unmoving unfortunately. I need to see what she's written and see if I can write anything off of that.

Reading Update: A new Warriors thing came out, I should go get it.

Music Update: I stole music from 3M (who is living with us now) and I love it. My favorites are Comatose and Whispers in the Dark, both by Skillet.

Peace!

Talking at 11:30.

It's kinda late, but I shouldn't really care. I haven't been able to get to sleep before midnight for a while now... That's gonna be a problem at CONvergence. I can never remember if I said that that was the sci-fi convention or not... well it is so... yeah.

I'm e-mailing with Spazm right now, we're trying to figure out things for each of us to write. We both have writer's block. The thing I'm having issues with is that I know what I need to write... I just can't write! I need MORE, more in between to do. My thing is moving too fast! I also don't know what to do after I get those done.. and I'm gonna get them done before the ending.
On the upside, an idea that was mulling around in my head for a while wasn't that bad. That always makes me happy.

I went to a party like thing tonight. It was a family friend's 40th birthday. I'm sure I've mentioned her before, I can't remember what I called her though. She was the one that lived here for a while with the evil dog. Anyways, we went to this totally awesome place called Mongo's Grill. It's like a make your own stir fry kind of place, it was really, really good and they cook the food in front of you on a giant stove! I had a fun conversation with one of her friends, we somehow got on the subject of the word 'funner.' We figured out why it's not technically a word! It's cause 'fun' is technically a noun, not an adjective so you have more of it instead of adding an 'er.' That makes sense right? Like you have 'cooler friends' not 'more cool friends' and 'more initiative' instead of being 'initiativer.' I felt so smart!
I still say funner is a word though.

Some how the family friend's girlfriend found out about me going out with the Jubbler. She asked me about it... I got embarrassed... granted I do that easily. Somehow the topic was avoided... I'm not quite sure how that happened. xD

I'm looking forward to CONvergence. I'm going with the Jubbler and 3M (Whom I had forgotten was coming!). It should be fun, I'm gonna be busy though. Not as busy as Mom granted, she's doing everything. We're all expecting an emotional breakdown from her at some point of this trip.
To be honest, I'm a little worried about it. The Jubbler sometimes can be a bit unsocial... and when he walks away from groups and stuff to go sit somewhere else I always feel torn between going to him or staying with others and having fun. Either way, I either feel guilty or I don't have fun. It... yeah. It's kinda frustrating. But we'll have fun! It'll be cool, there'll be plenty of people (over 3000) there and he already knows some places he'll like to go.

I hope that going will be able to get my mind into it's fantasy mindset. I've finally gotten to the more interesting stuff... but now that I'm there I don't know how to get it started! I put it up on my site, so go check it out and comment! (Not to mention check out and join the site!)

My stomach is in a lot of pain. When I lie down on it while looking up, you know like curving my back and kinda stretching it out, it hurts... a lot. I'm wondering if this is all really the Taekwondo class or if there's something up with me. When I told Dad about the seeing things problem dealio I had he said we should probably get that checked out if it happens again.

I went to the zoo with Mom, my sister (Breezy) and the four year old mom takes care of (Squishy). It was pretty cool, we got to see a tiger go in the water. They added a big water section with fountains that kids can get wet in so there were people with swimsuits. It's great for hot days, you can just walk through the sprinkler thing. Very cool. Thumbs up to them. We also got a stuffed animal meercat that is soft and very good for hugging. :) We named him Theodore.

Breezy had a party last night. Crazy people =P They went to bed at midnight and were up at freaking 5 in the morning. Crazy, crazy people. They wanted to go in the pool at freaking 5 in the morning. Crazy, crazy people.

I'm looking forward to my next party, it should be fun. I like getting everyone over... there's lots of laughing.

I've been typing this for about 45 minutes... wow! I think I'm done.

Music update: Still stuck on Broken.
Writing update: Been talked about.
Reading update: I should do more.

Rambling While I Type Up Stories and Wait for People to Talk to Me.f

Haha, yay for unfinished posts.

School's over now. I wore a dress to graduation even though I told people I wouldn't. What I thought was funny was that I wore my Joker sweatshirt all day until graduation, it's like... 4 sizes too big so it was about as long as the dress. :) I thought it looked cool, but it wasn't appropriate for graduation.
At graduation Ela won a presidential award thing, Cloud won an improved CRISP award and Spazm won a preforming arts award. I won the Intrapersonal award... pretty much saying I learned a lot about myself. The funny thing is that in 6th and 7th grade when we saw graduation I always wanted one of the plaques but in 8th grade I'm all like 'Oh, I'm not gonna win an award, whatever.' And then I won! And they mentioned the Dark Knight in my speech thing :)
I totally love the teachers now... :)

So CONvergence is coming up... I hope I can bring the little computer and use it to type stuff there. I can blog about each day! It should be fun.

Things are happy between me and the Jubbler... we went to the mall and the ConCom meeting. He told me about things that are bugging him in his life, I hope I can help him.

I won free Taekwondo classes for a month... I went to one and now I'm afraid to go to another! After the warm up like things I was having issues seeing and I couldn't swallow and started to feel sick. Mr. Taekwondo Teacher let me get a drink and rest and such, but I felt like such a weakling. And I'm afraid to go again because I know it will happen again and then I'll feel like I'm giving him a bad impression. :( I had fun with the kicking though. I'm not sure how often I'm going to go.

Spazm and I wrote a big part in the sequel... it's cool but I'm more excited now to see what she writes after it :) Yay Scarecrow.
Speaking of Scarecrow, I had a nice long conversations with one of the Jubbler's friends, whom I shall call Txt, about Batman Begins and I got him to watch Dr. Horrible. Heehee, I have created another Dr. Horrible fan.

Mom got some of that "Harry Potter" candy... it's very interesting. The bloodpop is a sucker... no pun intended of course! ;) it's like a powdery thing... very strange. THen the Drooble's bubble gum is cotton candy that turns into bubble gum. It's.... wow. =P

Writing Update: Typing up Ghost and adding to it. I'm going to be putting it up on my website yourmagicland.proboards.com. I've got a good idea of what I'm doing but still need to write more. I wrote a bit though. The sequel is moving along well even though it's summer. I'm writing a story with Twin now. It's going pretty well, but we haven't read eachother's work because she's off in Europe somewhere. =P

Music Update: I'm currently obsessed with the song Broken by Seether and Amy Lee (the singer from Evanescence! :D)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfOYufGFiZg&feature=fvst

In Writing Class

I'm in Writing again. Looking like I'm doing something worth while. I've done all I can so I've got nothing left to do and god dammit I want to be on the computer. Two people next to me are making Gmail accounts, and they haven't been caught so why the heck shouldn't I do what I want to?

I'm kinda cranky right now. Probably because I'm tired, stressed and sick. I always get sick when the season changes... it's rather frustrating.

So I thought I had an eye doctor appointment today... it turns out it's tomorrow. Well, tomorrow, when I'm going to the eye doctor, I'm supposed to be in forum presenting something in front of the whole school with the --

In Writing Class

I'm in writing, obviously. I've got a good 20 minutes to type. We're supposed to be typing anyways so it looks like I'm doing something worth while. Also, Ms. Writing Teacher is up at the front grading things, so she's not walking around, looking at computers.

The Microsoft Word here sucks. It doesn't like it when I use words like 'don't' or 'you'll'. It kinda bugs me. Also, I just lost like 10 minutes because Ms. Writing Teacher got up. :(

Oh well, it's not too horrible. I haven't got much to talk about anyways.

What I said about the Jubbler before, still true. Spazm even said that I really need to get more into it and all that, at least show some enthusiasm, stuff like that. But I still feel really embarrassed when I do, y'know? I don't wanna be obsessive or make my friends feel like I'm ditching them for him.

I should see if I can hang out with Spazm on Saturday... Hm.

I have an eye doctor appointment on Tuesday. My eyes are getting watery just thinking about it. I actually like the eye doctor, I get to look at glasses and try them on! I think it's fun, but I hate it when they put crap in my eyes. Even contacts give me the shivers.

Alright, I gotta go. Peace out.

Whatever Comes to Mind.

So right now I'm typing this in between doing homework, talking with other people and choosing music. :D

So, as for the Jubbler thing... I think I do like him, and told him so. We're going out now :) We went and saw Star Trek on Saturday. It was great :)

On Friday I hung out with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I'm gonna call her Rose. We stayed up watching movies and also went and saw Angels & Demons. It was good, but I don't need that much religiousness stuff.

On Sunday I had Ela, Spazm, MS (Whom I shall call Avril now), A girl I shall call Twin, and another I shall call Puppy over. We went out and saluted cars and sang the national anthem for Memorial day. We watched LOTS of movies and I pulled my first All-nighter! We had crepes in the morning :)

That was a nice quick way to sum up a long weekend.

On Friday I'm going with the Jubbler to babysit. I'm excited. :) I haven't said this to anyone, but I honestly want to be with him so much. I just don't want to seem like one of those obsessive girls who've fallen so deeply in love that they drown. But I really do think I love him. I'm just so afraid of showing it and falling. Cuz gravity only works down. It kinda hurts. We haven't even said "I love you" at all. It's really... I can't find the right word. Aggrivating? Depressing? Exciting? Frustrating? ...hm.

School's almost out! Well, few more weeks. We've got Sat 10s this week and Monday. Like, four finals next week (Middle School finals. Yay.). Track & Field day is next Friday, I don't really want to go. It's not my favorite. It's too hot and they make us do to much. It's like boot camp that's supposed to be fun. Then next next week we have End of Quarter event... in other words, yearbook signing on Monday. Graduation on Tuesday. (My speech has a slim chance of being read there.) and then the last half day on Wednesday. Ela, Spazm and I might be ditching the uniform on the last day, but I might have to go to the highschool so I'm a little nervous. I still have to do SmartMusic stuff for band. My speech is alright, but I'm not as much of a kiss-ass as some people are in theirs, so I might not be reading it at graduation. I got a solo though, for choir. So I get to sing for everyone in front of them on the second to last day of school. Yayyy.

Writing update: lots of writing in the sequel, rather proud of it but need to write tonight or Spazm won't write anything. I found the Ghost notebook and am probably gonna work on that soon. I'm thinking of writing a book with Twin :) I also went to the Young Author's Confrence. It was pretty interesting, not very WHOA though. I learned more about revising and such.

Reading update: Reading the Alanna series by Tamora Pierce. It's good so far, I like it.

Music update: I'm obsessed with a new song thanks to 3M. Rain by Breaking Benjamin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_S8M5R01NM

In History Once Again.

Yeah, there's nothing to do now. I just spent like 10 minutes writing a rant about school work which I sent to myself. It went from HW to yearbooks. My mind is great huh?

Screw it, I can't think of what to write or even if I need
to. I can always just read off my notes sheet and put the
sources on the back. What do I have to do. I have to do the
english project at some point, I have the geography project
and the spanish project as well as the history & science
thing. For HW there's math, english, history, geography (I
think) and writing... Damn. This sucks.

I also have to finish the chapter for Myths and Epics, but
that should be fun. There's a lot of writing I have to get
done/ want to get done. Damn, I need more free time. I'm
looking forward to school being let out, then I don't have
to worry about any work. But I also don't want to leave. I
love my enrichments and teachers and all that here, but I
don't want the work. I need to get cards for the teachers...
I wonder when the yearbook will come. It should be awesome.
All color! Woot! Also the panoramic picture thing... Yay for
forced smiles. xD

I still have like 20 minutes to throw away. GAHH!

Yeah, so I'm using those 20 minutes to type here, which I haven't done for a while.

So, Enrichments. In Choir we had a concert along with band. It went pretty well.
We got pizza yesterday, sprite and coke too. :) (There's something messed up with the typing here!)
In Myths and Epics we're writing a story and each of us gets a chapter in it. I have the second
to last one, and the way I have it planned out seems pretty awesome.
Speaking of Myths and Epics, we had a Medieval Banquet on Saturday. It was KICK ASS!
When we got there we did one of those murder mystery games, except it was set in the right time
period. I was the queen. lol. The king had been killed and I got to "behead" three people :)
After dinner (and the amazing sherbet!)We went to go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
But before that they gave me a card and some roses! Because I'm the only 8th grader in the
class and I'm gonna be leaving... But OMG! They gave me roses! And not like in a
bouquet either, like in a pot! Ms. Myth said it was so they could grow forever like me. :)
She's so sweet! I them in a big pot yesterday and hung the card up on my wall.
My costume for  it was pretty cool, but the whole night I felt a little self-conscious.
When I put it on Mom asked Dad. "Other than the fact we made a hottie, what do you think
of the costume?" I started cracking up.

Ohh.. I just did something to my wrist. xD It hurts.

Random Gibberish Could Be Considered the Official Language of the US.

I'm just going to be typing what ever comes to mind when I have time in between all I'm doing.
I just joined another Role-play site, it's fun! :) Blizzardheart from it started reading this blog =P
So Ela's mom has been reading her blog... wow. Well now I know why she doesn't seem to like me! GAAH. :(
Yeah, this was short, but I want to read now that I'm not doing everything at once. Happy happy read read.
Speaking of: I got a new book from the library. It's all about personality... there was a whole chapter on multiple personality disorders. It's just like Deidre and DoDekaHedron!!
Music: I like Stop and Stare by OneRepublic a lot lately... I've also been listening to lots of classical stuff. TDK soundtrack too. It's cool 8-)
Writing: I got another big part of the sequal typed up. Been writing in the sequel, still no Ghost or even the gods one now.

Possibly long thing.

Okay, there is too much now.

I finished my Mind book. Very interesting and now I need books on psychotherapy and such.
The thing Ela and I planned was that we and Spazm would go to Battle Lake to do a project. Probably not going to happen, I'll just drag them up there some other time.
Easter was fun, talked with family and such awesome great.

What I'm here to talk about is the Jubbler.
I can't finish this conversation without venting, even if it IS just at text.
GOD! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THROW THIS AT ME!
I know there are people who are having problems worse than mine... but WHY do I have to have a, for lack of a better word, stalker. He CAN'T give me up. And now I know that it's ruining his social life as well as grades and he's started crying randomly in class sometimes because of it.
I swear to fucking god Ela if you say one damn word of this to him I will personally be there to kick your ass so hard into the ground kangaroos in Australia will jump an extra foot.
I will post the conversation and you can think what you like. Names are changed of course.

The Jubbler

ugh, i need to talk with you, i wanted to do it in person which was why i wanted to come over so much, but i guess this is the next best thing

Paroxysm

okay

The Jubbler

uhm, ok, i know i can't get over this thing with you no matter how hard i try, the only way i could ever think of was to give up on us being friends which i wont do, but idk, what can i do?

Paroxysm

I don't really know, to be honest. The only thing I can think of is if we have some "ourselves" time and then maybe you'll be able to look at other girls or... you know, move on and all that... This is the first time I've had to deal with things like this so I don't know what doing certain things would do.

You could talk it over with friends at MSA... they could probably help you more than me.

The Jubbler

i hate to be panicky, but this is just hopeless, there's really nothing for me anymore, i just dont know what i can do with my life anymore

Paroxysm

Oh Jubbler, please don't say that. You have so many friends at MSA. Your whole life can't revolve around me, I'm not nearly that important. You have such a wonderful life to live, one little setback can't ruin it for you!

The Jubbler

it's a setback, but it's not little, and cuz of it i've lost most of my friends, grades, etc. i've just started crying randomly in the middle of class a few times

Paroxysm

How can it make you lose friends?

or grades?

The Jubbler

i lose focus, i don't spend any time thinking about my work

same sort of thing with friends, i don't really talk to them anymore and i just sit by myself with my head on the table

Paroxysm

Oh... please Jubbler, you can't spend your whole life thinking about it.

The Jubbler

i know, id say some stupid stuff right now, but i won't for risk of sounding more cheesy than i already have

Paroxysm

No, no. Say what you need to, please

The Jubbler

ok, I just can't give up on it, you're probably the most important thing that's ever happened to me, and i really... idk. i care about you too much

Paroxysm

I understand... but that doesn't mean you can give up your life because of it. You don't have to give up on me, but you can't constantly think about it.

The Jubbler

yeah, that's my problem, i cant not think about you without giving up entirely, which i can never do.

Paroxysm

But you can Jubbler. You can think of other things. Engage yourself with your friends and listen to them. You'll have fun and be distracted from feeling bad. You can Jubbler, if you try.

The Jubbler

ok, i suppose i have to try, but be warned, i don't plan on giving up on this anytime soon, and you'll always be my best friend, even if i can't have an actual conversation with you.

Paroxysm

You're my best friend too :)

The Jubbler

=)

I don't know what to do or think. I keep wondering what I should do. If I should say that we could try, but if I do that it would break his heart if I broke up with him. If I leave it like this then his life is falling to pieces.
Spazm is right, I do have a fear of commitment... but I can't... I don't know... God. I don't know.
I just don't know.

Screw this.

I'm in History again. But this time I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do.
I'm e-mailing Ela... sort of and daydreaming... sort of. I have to look like I'm doing SOMETHING History related.
I'm a bad person, I know. I'm wasting class time... oh fucking no. I really really really am in a bad mood today. I can't quite figure out why.
Maybe it's because it's Tuesday?

Easter was fun. I got my candy and all that (though I had to babysit Friday and Saturday evening.) I talked with 3M and the Jubbler on Facebook... 3M told me that I should start playing Maplestory again. Maplestory is a really really really fun MMORP that I played a while back, I stopped mainly because it didn't work on Vista computers for a while. I tried downloading it again and had lots of problems but eventually (three hours) I got it done... Then had no time to play because I had to go to my Grandparents house.

I'll talk about the rest of the day as well as what Ela and I planned in English today most likely when I get home... but I may have too much homework then so I may just try to find time to write later....

A Big Jumble of Rambling... hehe

I wrote this in history class in an e-mail to myself with my work.

I should totally just start typing to look like  I'm doing
something useful. I could post this in my blog and say "HEY
I ran out of things to do in History class!"
He's here *runs* Alright, he's gone again... There are two
girls next to me who are doing spanish stuff, they keep
laughing and Mr. History Teacher is half-laughing at them
too... you know that whole Its funny but I'm not supposed to
laugh thing? except he doesn't really do this so he's probly
just thinking what the hell are they doing? Any ways. I've
gottta a buncch of work done and now I've got five minutes
to type randoms stuff that doenst really matter. Yay for
fun. I have band next hour. It really bothers me how people
act in my 6th hour (band/geography) they never shut up and
listen to the teacher. In geography it got us an extra
assignment... a BIG extra assignment. It pisses me off. Then
everyone in band is really disrespectful to Mr. Band Teacher
and I can't figure out why. He's a really nice guy and a
good teacher, they just WON'T do anything right! That class
needs to SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!
Anyways. So I have Band next and I'll have my time to go "oh
my god shut up!"... yay. Oh well, at least the day is almost
over. I can't wait for enrichment! I've got so much to show
Ms. Myth and the class! Yesterday we learned about coats of
arms and she told us if we had time to to look up our family
ones. I gotta go, I'll finish later.

Hehe. Band wasn't AS bad as usual. Yeah, I had fun in Enrichment. We talked about our project thing, which I will explain about at a later date, and next time I'm gonna show them my Coat of Arms that I found and the one I made. When I showed Ms. Myth mine she said my motto was amazing. It was "Find and Accept". The actual one for my last name is "Stand Sure", she said that there is no one that models it better than me... I got a warm, happy, fuzzy feeling. I love that class.
I also found a webpage that shows how I'm related to Adele of France who was the mother-in-law of William the Conqeror.
hehehe, I got a cupcake from Access today... It was a DAMN good cupcake. Absolutely incredible.
I dunno, I've kinda run out of ramble room since History.

Writing Update: I found my notebook for Ghost!!! Yay!! Someone in Enrichment found it and gave it back to me. I have filled up my second sketchbook of writing!! Moved onto third, wrote one section and have drawn my own crest in it.

Music Update: Nothing new xP

Gonna go to the Mall with Ela, Spazm and hopefully Cloud tomorrow. No school! Good Friday! Yay! It means I get a day off! Sunday is Easter. YAY CANDY!!!

Last Day of Spring Break...

Phooey.
I've got homework I've gotta do today. Blah.
I went over to Spazm's house again. It was fun, we watched shows and did tarot card readings and such. Heh. At midnight we watched the creepiest fucking thing EVER. It was a show called Ghost Adventures. These guys find places that are called haunted and lock themselves in to see if they are. This episode was in an old insane asylum. Where 10,000 people had died, patients and nurses. That place is creepy man. It was the scariest thing ever, I mean, seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5616nvIPmi0
There ya go. That was. Heh.
When Spazm and I saw the hand we FREAKED. I couldn't stop laughing, and shivering, and I was laughing so hard I was crying and... yeah it was cool.
Yay for asylums.

Okay, I'm having problems again. I had the Jubbler over this week.
After the first day (he stayed over for two) things got kind of awkward. Boring. All that. See, he has this problem where he never voices his opinion, at least not around me, and so we had nothing to do. After he went home I went to Spazm's house (see above). When I got home there was this e-mail in my inbox.

blah, just getting this over with... ive actually been thinking about this for awhile and the time at your place really helped make up my mind

i dont think i can really stay friends with you because of this whole.... thing with you. i just cant really think about the rest of my life cuz i cant think about anything else. dont get me wrong, i wish i could stay good friends with you, but... blahh

well whatever happens, i wanna say that you've always been a great, awesome person and i wish i could talk to you as good as say... i dunno, Neal, but i can't and because of that i know i'll never stand a chance with you, even just as a friend.

*sigh*

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO RESPOND WITH!!!
WHAT DO I SAY??
God..

So I've found a couple of things
1.) Freerice.com has more than just vocabulary things to do. You can do math problems and spanish words and so on. Last night I donated 2000 grains of rice to starving countries.
2.) this website is the saddest and best thing to do when suffering from writer's block (thank you, thank you). http://www.85qm.de/up/BigRedButton.swf

Over at Spazm's place we also got some good ideas for the sequel. I wrote a good three sections last night. I've got a good amount of ideas to write about... unfortunately I'm having issues writing them. Oh well, Mom said we may be going to the laundromat today (our washing machine broke) so I'll have time to write and think and do homework and all that jazz.
We may get some frozen yogurt, Ela.
Heehee, Dr. Horrible will be running through my head the whole time we're there.

Music Update: I'm going through a Daughtry phase. I like their songs It's Not Over, and What About Now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6s8C2DvfGo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylgchWR-Ig&feature=channel

What About Now is the song that got me back to freerice.com. I should take a bunch of friends to Feed My Starving Children some day. What do you think Ela? Do you know when the next trip is?

Wednesday... or is it?!?

I skipped a day somehow... I thought it was Wednesday. And it's Thursday. I thought it was Tuesday yesterday... so did I have an extra Monday?

I'm incredibly tired... Blah.. I wanna take a nap or just lay down and think, but I've got a friend over.

Dad found a game that's a lot like World of Warcraft... yay for substitution.
Right now I'm gonna play Heroes of Might and Magic though... I may type more later.

Spring Break!!

I currently have the best chocolate milk ever created. Anyways...

OH. MY. GOD. Friday was THE BEST freaking day EVER!!
So we got that non-uniform day, which was cool. I had fun with that even though I couldn't find my jeans. (I haven't been able to find them since before Christmas.) Then there was the dance. That was... meh. There were NO good songs. Eventually Ela and Cloud moved to the movie room with Spazm. I think the best part of the dance was when Ela and I stood in big groups of popular people and they all kind of floated away from us and broke up. Heehee, it was funny.
After the dance we went over to Spazm's house. Over there we got Cloud to watch Dr. Horrible. (she hadn't seen it) It was cool. We also watched some comedian... I think it was Bill Burr, and had PIZZA! Then we went over to Walgreens to get ready for our Scary movie watching. We got a Monster to share (cuz Ela had never had one) and omg they had the awesome glitter bouncy balls for 8 bucks!! I got one of those too. They're fun and they inspired one part of the sequel :)
So when we got back and it was getting dark we chose a movie to watch... The Blair Witch Project.
HOLY FUCK THAT WAS THE CREEPIEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.
I think what made it worse was that that whole time, we didn't know if it was fake! So we're all going... 'is this REAL?!?!?!'
It wasn't real, (one of the characters was in Prom Night!) but it certainly got us jittery!!
After that we watched Halloween. It wasn't as creepy but it wasn't exactly calm-go-happy.
What was funny was when we all screamed. Heehee. Though a few times when I laughed the others thought I had yelled... I didn't! =P Oh well, it WAS creepy.
Cloud had to go home before Halloween was over. We have to tell her the ending.
After Halloween Ela, Spazm and I watched Red-Eye... a welcome break from all the creepyness. Flat-out thriller instead. YAYyyy.
Then we went downstairs to mess with the computer. We saw a few more creepy things and listened to some music. Then we went back upstairs to go to sleep. (I got the chair, Ela had the couch and Spazm chose the floor.) Hehehe, it took us a while. We kept imagining Michael Meyers and all the creepy things from the movies showin up. We talked for a while, both Spazm and I agreed that we need to put that night in the sequel as a flashback.

The next day Ela had to go home early. Spazm and I went to the park since it was a nice day. We sat there waiting for the swings to open up. Then we talked and swang on the swings (I watched the little kids :D) We also played catch with the glitter bouncy ball. Then we went back to her house and she unexpectedly had to do some babysitting so I got a ride home =P
When I got home (hoping to take a nap since I got like 4 hours of sleep) my bedroom was IN SHAMBLES!! My family had decided to reorganize... and I freaking needed sleeeeeep!! So then I had to help with that instead of sleep. THEN we went to a family game night with some family friends (a family I shall call the Candles) My team won at Scene It. We had pizza. Squishy (little 4 year old) went to bed. We played the Red Dragon Inn (new favorite board/card game!!) and I almost won! :) Then the kids (Sister and MiniReggie) went to bed and we played Cash & Guns. Heehee, that was fun. After that we played Fluxx, that was an interesting game. As you could imagine, I was getting tired. It was getting late and I had FOUR hours of sleep. We got home at midnight.
Screw cleaning off my bed. I went to sleep.

The next morning I finished my part of the room and wrote.
Speaking of: I got a bit of inspiration, but I need to see how far Spazm's getting with her writing.
I also found one of my old story notebooks! First.. no, second version of Ghost! :)

Music update: Not really. =P normal stuff... I found my old choir CD though!

Ela, we need to hang out some time before Spring Break is over. And I need Cloud's e-mail address. :D

Fancy Pants Day

Pretty good day. I was actually able to pull together an outfit! I wore a burgandy longsleeve shirt and one of my dad's ties (it was gray with yellow and burgandy designs) then a black shirt over it. I looked cool but I wish I had a little jacket like thing to put over it.

So I lost my ring yesterday. I've had it since I was, I think, nine. When ever I'm bored or nervous or just randomly I fiddle with it. So I'll be like midway through a sentance and without realizing it I try to grab the ring and ITS NOT THERE. Then I get all annoyed and jittery. Cause it's a habit I have. It frustrated me so much! But so today in science the receptionist for the office came into the class and tapped me on the shoulder and asked "Is this yours?" (I told her I had lost it yesterday) and I'm like "Oh my god yes! Thank you!" So I got my ring back! Yay!!

What I love about my friends is that we can get through so much. I think that last night Ela, Spazm and I all cried. (I'm not positive about Spazm but...) There were some problems. I felt bad because in our group of three I'm the... most known I guess? I can't think of the right word for it. Saying this I sound totally egotistical and it fracking bothers me. But anyways. So Ela and Spazm are apparently both being talked about. I actually haven't heard anything about Spazm and barely anything about Ela... But I felt bad cause I assumed that if they did the same thing as me we'd all be treated the same.
I forgot the jackasses at my school.
So Spazm e-mails me after I say we'd all be treated the same and she says 'People like YOU. they don't CARE if YOU do something freaky.'
I felt like a bitch. And then there wasn't anything I could do to help them feel better.
But today we're just the same as before. Happy happy.
ALSO! All four of us are able to go to the scary movie thing tomorrow! Ela, Cloud and I all over at Spazm's house! YAY!!
So far all I KNOW we're watching is Clue, Halloween, some witch movie and Silence of the Lambs.
We also get pizza probably :)

I had fun at school today.
We get a non-uniform day tomorrow because we gathered up ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR things for the food drive!! And that's a lot, especially considering how freaking PUNY my school is. It's very impressive and we get a non-uniform day for it!
Tomorrow we also have a dance... It's going to be a VERY fun day.
I think I'll wear my Arkham shirt... maybe. Or... hm. I wish I could find my jeans. They've been missing since before Christmas.

Enrichment was cool. We read more about King Arthur and I think the class was in awe at my awesome story reading skills. I did good :)
We laughed a lot and got juice and cakes.

Speaking of cake... I came home and there was a giant one on the table today!! Yay!! It was yummy... Also, Spazm has found the brilliance of Jim Gaffigan. He's funny, you should look him up.

Name update: YESH! Success man! She shall call my Paroxysm now so, as you probably noticed, Irritant is now Ela again. (It's not Paradoxism btw Ela... =P)

Music update: Ever since last night I've been listening to Bad Day by David Powter almost nonstop. Taking a break for Love Story still :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoptZMcJpUY

Color Day - Black.

My outfit is so totally awesome.
Anyways, Mom got pics of me on 80's day up on Facebook. lol

I'm planning on writing a bunch tonight. Ideas are coming :) Spazm also said she'd have a good amount... or at least she has a few ideas to go off of. The big question is... can we write anyways? Writers block has a habit of occurring when we actually have time and ideas to write off of.
Nothing new in Ghost.
A few sentences in the Gods story... I need a name for that.

Friday should be cool. Cloud, Irritant and I were all invited over to Spazm's house for a scary movie watching fest like thing. Mom is covering my babysitting for me so I can go. I love her so much! Cloud can come but she can't spend the night. Irritant is trying to get her parents to let her come... apparently they had a family meeting about it. Seriously. Why??
Stickler parents are people that I have problems with... that was mean. Sorry.
But GAH! I mean, I know some people who's mother won't let them READ BOOKS until they've been read through by her! They aren't supposed to watch THE DARK KNIGHT and THEY ARE OLDER THAN ME!
*sigh* Adults need to learn that teens CAN handle lots of the things they think they can't.

Today is the kind of day where I'm just grateful for life... It was a good day but now I'm a little bit bummed out.
I just found out that my standing on the waiting list for the Highschool I want to get into hasn't changed. I'm still number 16.
The chances of me getting in for the beginning of the new school year are very slim. I may get in for second semester.
So I'm stuck with the school I go to now or to the big, huge, scary one across the street.
Dammit.

But today was a good day. In Enrichment we read more of King Arthur. Right now he's fighting with some King... Perillion? Also, I got to tell the class and Ms. Myth the gazebo story.
It's actually really funny.
So Mom and Dad and their friends were playing D&D (in like highschool or something) and it's one friend's turn. The Dungeonmaster says you see a gazebo.
"I shoot it!" says the friend.
"What?"
"I attack the gazebo!"
"Uh... okay..." They roll the dice.
"What happened?" the friend asked
"Nothing. It's a gazebo."
"I'll attack it again!"
"Okay..." the dice roll.
"What happened?"
"Your arrow got stuck."
"Did I kill it?"
"No, it's a gazebo."
"I attack it again!"
"Do you even know what a gazebo is?"
"No..."

LOL.

There's some stuff I need to tell Irritant.
The fucking guy behind me and Spazm on the bus started to read over Spazms shoulder. He's the first guy we killed in the story. And all he see's is "Ela Spengler's body." (name changed of course)
Then he goes on to say how much he hates Irritant. THEN the fucking people on the bus start talking about how "stupid she is" and all that jazz. Like how apparently in 6th grade she pretended to be a cat in math class. Two- almost THREE fucking years ago! I swear to god, these bastards need to quit fucking talking about my friends god DAMMIT.

Now I'm going to try and write. RIGHT HERE AT THE COMPUTER DESK! HELL YEAH! =P

Decade Day - 80's

Beautiful out again. All rainy and nice. :)

I have a major headache and lots of homework so I'm gonna try and limit the computer time. I can already tell I won't do so well.

So Spazm and I brainstormed for the sequel last night. The Jubbler helped. We got a bunch of stuff. One is that Ela gets killed by Scarecrow (not Crane, Scarecrow) and I (yes I'm a character deal with it) get really really pissed off. Cuz he just freakin killed one of my best friends. I don't know about the whole Scarecrow being a separate voice/mind so... you know. It all implodes.

It wouldn't work if Scarecrow killed a random person. The way he did it I either wouldn't care or would be excited/interested. It HAS to be someone IMPORTANT to both me and Spazm.

I don't think she quite gets that...
She didn't take it very well. :(
But it's a compliment! Saying that she's our best friend!
PLEASE Ela, try to UNDERSTAND!

Also we got stuff figured for the Joker and Spazm. I ALSO had a crazy AWESOME idea last night when I was writing. Yay for inspiration!

Also, I was talking with a friend I made while doing the play. I'll call her Sandra. We made a story about today :)
It's called Decade Day -- The Haunted Clothes

It was a dark and stormy night, and a young girl planned her 80's clothes. All of a sudden, her clothes turned into a monster! She screamed and ran away. Trying to find something to get rid of the monster with. Then, her mom walked in and the monster disappeared until her mom went to sleep and the monster tried to attack! The shirt tried suffocating her and she pulled and pulled at it, trying to get if off. Then there was a loud RRRIIPing sound. The shirt broke but there were still pants. The pants tied themselves up in a knot and started to hit her! She cut them up with scissors and went back to bed.
The End

Heehee.
Speaking of today, I had the best 80's outfit. I may put up pics. It's totally cool and 80's. =P It's actually rather scary.
There was a Pie Eating Contest today. My access got 5th place!

I hope I can do everything I want to do tonight... Well, and need to do.

Wacky Tacky Day

You'd think that Spirit Week would be all happy and butterflies like last week huh?
Not a chance.

It wasn't a BAD ay... but it certainly wasn't the best.
And now I've got so much crap going on. I'm talking to three people, listening to music, eating, doing what they're telling me AND blogging. Yayy.
Plus, I have heartburn..

So Spazm is back. Yay! Cloud and I had fun talking to her. Apparently there were 700 drunk college kids there. She got me a bracelet :)
She also wrote a bunch. Awesome stuff maan.

I was in the Knowledge Bowl today. We didn't win but it was fun.

So Spazm invited Cloud, Me and Bimbo over to her place to watch scary movies. I REALLY want to go but I said I'd babysit then. (Friday) I asked Mom if she could take over for me, she said she'd think about it. I totally love her. I hope she does.

God, this heartburn sucks.

I'm having issues thinking about what I should write for some characters in the story... I need more. Spazm and the Jubbler are helping me think.

Now I need to end this before I die.

Name Update: Arguement in English over it. LOL it was funny
Music Update: I love this song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHxXaY7NR3w
Love story by Taylor Swift.
I've been told that my singing voice sounds like her's...

Holy CRAP this is a busy weekend

Well I was hoping Spazm's flight would come in Friday... it didn't. Then I was waiting for Saturday... It didn't. xD So maybe she's home NOW but I doubt that her parents wanted a flights that brought them from the Bahamas to Minnesota by NINE.

Me and Mom were all trying to find 80's clothes for decade day during spirit week. (Tuesday) We sort of found a few things and we got to mess with my hair. *coughbutcheritcough* It was fun though.

Today I have SO many plans. I have to go out with Mom to find more 80's stuff and also I'm planning to go with Housemate friend to Hot Topic. That was my birthday present, we're spending it now. =P It should be cool.

But then also I have HW. I specifically planned not to hang out with people for too long this weekend so that I could do all my make up homework!! GAHH! I'm not gonna have time!

Writing Update: Nothing new in Ghost. Quite a bit in the sequel. I started a new story for the CONvergence writing contest... I probably won't finish it by the deadline but whatever. It's cool. A story featuring the gods of Accalia... my world where most of my stories will take place. :) So far I like it. Here, I'll put up the list of gods.
Zamora - goddess of war and pain
Linus - god of consistancy and tradition
Zoltan - god of life and hope
Thanos - god of death and despair
Viveka - goddess of wisdom and healing
Shirina - goddess of love and desire
Zahra - goddess of justice and equality
Kaemon - god of surprize and diversity

My goal is that they all are pretty much normal people that have special jobs they have to deal with... My favorites so far are Thanos, Kaemon and Viveka... I haven't written much of the other's back story. But I DO know that Linus is my least favorite. I also don't want to make one god always a bad guy... so that may be hard. So far I've only written stuff with mainly Thanos, Viveka, Linus and a little bit of Kaemon. I'm going to have some fun with Zahra though. Hail Equality maan!

This is my 17th post Irritant... what about you?

Today was BEAUTIFUL!!
When we woke up there was a tiny bit of snow on the ground. A dusting.
Walking home it was raining.
Happy first day of spring!!
It's beautiful!!!!

I don't quite know which day Spazm gets back... today or tomorrow. I'm gonna see if she wants to hang out she'll be like: "YES JUST GET ME AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE!!"
I hope she gets back today.
I'm also planning on calling Cloud.

I'm changing Irritant's name to Bimbo.
I WILL GET MY NAME BACK!!
PAROXYSM! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!

Anyways.

I want to write. I really do. I can't though... my room is being used.
DANG IT.

Oh well... Maybe I can write out on the couch...

Hee. That's the kind of day it is.

I think I've burst out laughing too much today.
Maybe it's lack of sleep.

So yesterday we got back from the party, which was fun, at about nine pm. I hadn't had time to do that History homework... which may I mention was actually a project. But anyways, I went to bed and planned to wake up at 5:00 to do it. Also, when I got home there was a present for me on my bed. It was from our housemate (who's staying over for a while) and it was a fleece blanket. With THIS: http://toadscastle.net/marduk/pics/dk-serious-poster.jpg on it. YES!!

I got up at 5:30 and finished the project. Hell yeah!

School stuff: Ms. Myth finished Ghost and said it was phenomenal. Friend in my enrichment whom I shall call MS, I found out after 4 people that she was the one that wanted the link to this blog, read it and said it was good too. Yay!

OH. MY. GOD. We are currently in the scariest unit of health. Sex-ed. And it's not split up by gender either.
I can deal with people tearing their skin cause of meth... but... gaaah!!
Seriously we had to watch the weirdest little video thing ever.
To get you a nice little explanation: "Fifty Nifty sexual terms!" as a song.
Ghaaaahhhhh*shudder*uuuahhhggghhh*shiver*aaaahhhhhhhhggggg *shakes off the creepers*

Anyways.

Back to the lack of sleep thing... I didn't explain very well.
I went to bed at like 9:20... I got to sleep at 11:11... no I didn't make a wish.
I spent my time writing a climax like part of the sequel. I'm actually very proud of it! It's one of those edge-of-seat-c'mon-move-it!! types of parts.
So then I woke up at 5:30.
Not much sleep.

Lunch was interesting. We had to have 1st lunch because the seventh graders were having second lunch for their field trip. So I got to have lunch with Irritant AND Cloud instead of just Cloud. Too bad Spazm is in the Bahamas, that woulda been fun. But so we had some issues with person whom I will call Jackass #2. He was bothering us, and of course I was laughing my ass off.

Overall it was a pretty cool day.
Now I might go write and do our huge math assignment or something... or maybe I'll just read...
Hm.

Why are my days crazy happy and butterflies recently?

Hehe, so I noticed that my posts are longer now. =P

Anyways, I've had another really happy day! In my Enrichment (the best one EVER) I showed Ms. Myth, the teacher's fake name, Ghost. She didn't finish it but she's all like in awe and such. Then as she's reading it everyone's trying to get me to talk about it. I got embarrassed, but the good kind. Then afterwards Ms. Myth is talking to me and she says that she wished she was my one teacher, that she taught all my classes with me one-on-one and that she wished she was in my mind. Because I'm brilliant and my mind is so creative and strong.
I think I blushed but I am NEVER going to forget that.
She's in the dedication if it ever gets published. No questions asked.

Today I'm going to Mom and Grandma Poet's combined birthday party! Mom's was Monday and Grandma Poet's is tomorrow so we're going to Champps with some friends and we're going to celebrate! It's going to be so much fun!!
If I remember I'll post about it tomorrow.

I've had time to think about the sequel. I've got ideas running through my head for a few characters but I can't really figure out how to do it the way I want... LOL I just started thinking again and totally forgot I was typing this.

I should probably go get ready for the party... but I could just go like this.
NO! I need my sketchbook. Just in case I have time to write.
Oh yeah, speaking of, I let Ms. Myth borrow my notebook for the night to finish Ghost.
I can't help but wonder if she actually thinks it's awesome or if she's just trying to encourage me. xD That's a rather depressing thought.

Speaking of depressing: The bus driver won't let us open our windows anymore.
Or have cell phones (I don't have one anyways)

Also speaking of depressing, I haven't been depressed enough to write Ghost. Still. That's why I was able to give the notebook to Ms. Myth, cause I knew I wouldn't be able to write it tonight.

Also speaking of depressing I've got a hell of a lot of homework to do tonight while I'm gone xD

I should probably go now.
ALL HAIL BIRTHDAYS!!

Another Tuesday down the drain

Actually, this week's Tuesday was pretty good. :)

I didn't have to do any homework in the morning because I actually DID it all last night! *gasp* So when my alarm woke me up at 4:56 I was able to lay there and daydream for an hour or two before I fell back asleep. Hee.

Also, last night I was brainstorming with the Jubbler as to what I should do with the sequel and we were able to come up with a few things! So I was able to scrawl out a little bit and I'm looking forward to writing some fun stuff tonight.
For Ghost... sorry, still can't write that. I really need to get some serious thinking done with that.

OH YEAH! Happy St. Patrick's Day! I had a great excuse to wear my pretty bracelet from Irish Indeed! (I'm not Irish at all but I love the culture) I was going to go after school but their free face paintings and carnations and etc. ended at 2pm so I might as well go some other day.

I don't have any homework due tomorrow, cause I did it all last night!! *cheers* I'm probably gonna finish my math though. It's kind of confusing and I wanna get it done before it leaves my brain.

Overall the day was happy-like. Y'know cheerful cheerful mood and all that. I got to sing in choir and the weather was beautiful :)
I think at this point I may just start rambling... well more than before, as in not todayness.

...or maybe I won't nothing's really coming to mind.

NEVERMIND!
I found a totally awesome hat yesterday. I was looking through our closet for clothes to wear for forum where we are doing a presentation on poverty and hunger. (I got to cut up a pink glove!) I stand off to the corner holding up a 'will work for food' sign while my access (homeroom) reads a poem we made. Anyways, I found a cool knit hat. It's all rainbow. Hee. I wore it to school. Maybe that's why today was all happy and rainbowy.

Speaking of: a few days ago I saw a rainbow. While it was all snowy! I was happy.

OR, maybe what made the day happy was that when I got up there was a letter for me on the keyboard! It was from GrannyGoodWitch, one of my friends from a geek chat I go to every Thursday. (I'm the youngest one there... but whatever) link: irc://scorpia.com/lobby It happens every Thursday from 8:30pm to about 10:00, or when people get off.
Anyways, she sent me an article from a magazine that she found. It was about the Joker and what one of the creators, Jerry Robinson, thought of him and how he's progressed.
What made me laugh was his reaction to Heath Ledger's portrayal. You can tell that he was like "WHOAAA!!" but they wanted something more sophisticated. Oh yeah, I've gotta sound professional in everything I do!

If I ever become famous for something like that I'm not gonna try to sound all professional all the time.

Gaahh... headache

It's getting warmer. Yay.
I'm okay with warmer, but when the classrooms get sweaty warm it's too hot. And it's gonna get warmer too.

My head hurts, I dunno why. I should probably get some water.

The phone just rang and I have French Silk Pie. Hee.

Quick sum up of my day: We were supposed to do another play performance during forum but people were absent so we didn't. YAY!
A quick day, a bit hectic and stressing but not too bad. I had choir so of course I had songs I didn't want running through my head at the end of the day. BUT my Mp3 player was dead so I was stuck with the music. AHHgh. I borrowed an iPod for a bit but the dude didn't have my kind of music.
Now I'm listening to my good music :)
I renewed my Mind book in library today. I also got "The Westing Game." So far it's pretty good but I don't think it'll be one of my favorites. Hell, I'm only on page 22 so I really shouldn't be complaining. Well, someone HAS died already so...

I'm stuck in both my stories. For Ghost, I know what I want to do but I can't write it cause it's depressing and I've been in a happy mood lately. What I write affects my mood so I don't wanna be all depressed. Also, it's hard to get good depressing stuff written when you aren't depressed yourself.
For the sequel I don't HAVE to get anything written cause Spazm's off in the Bahamas but I WANT to write and also I have to have a bunch written in a week so... Also, she's probably sitting by some giant glass window lookin out at the blue beach with a sketchbook in her hands writing. She really didn't want to go.
This week is gonna be so boring without her crankiness. Don't you agree Irritant?

I love this CD. Sorry, random but really. Nickelback rocks :)

It's Mom's birthday today, we're celebrating it on Wednesday as a merged party with her mom. Whom shall be called in this blog Grandma Poet.
And relative wise: Dad's mom shall be Grandma Artist and Mom's dad shall be Grandpa Quantum. Dad's dad died before I was born. If I ever refer to him he will be Grandpa Artist.

I'm trying to remember who at the play was talking about blogs and wanted the link to this one... I think it may have been Micah. Good, maybe she can give me a better name for herself.

I can't wait for this week to be over already.
Uhhg, tomorrow's Tuesday. I HATE Tuesdays...

Name update: nope. Gah. Gr..
Music update: Rockin' out to Nickelback though I've also found another cool song I like. Everything you Want by Vertical Horizon.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt0bKL0rJZM

Wow...

Okay, so the past weekends have been pretty interesting. I may end up going backwards to get my thoughts flowing better.

So this weekend I had play stuff to do.
Yay.
I don't even have an acting part. I press buttons. And create music. And screams. Stage Manager.
Yay.
On the up side I get to voice my opinion about things and am in charge of everyone else. HAH. Well, everyone except Ms. Principal. Gah.
The first performance went pretty well, I had fun before hand... you know, talking with everyone and all that. The second performance was good too, the ending got a tiny bit choppy... but not so the audience could notice. Afterwards, Ms. English Teacher wanted to get a cast photo for the yearbook... No wait, this was the first performance. My bad. ANYWAYS, I'm all trying to get people's attention for to get them back on stage for a picture. SHOUTING. Then the Jubbler, who was there, shouts, "HEY!" really REALLY loudly. People turn and look at him then go back to talking.
Then Ms. Principal walks up behind everyone and their parents. "Hey, guys. We have to take a cast photo, back on stage."
And everyone shuts up.
Totally fair isn't it?

Spazm is off in the Bahamas. Flying over the Bermuda Triangle. She's pretty damn scared. She hates flying and is pretty superstitious so...
She's probably off chilling in the hotel pouting about how life sucks cause she's stuck in the Bahamas with her family.
Hah.

I went to another CONvergence meeting with the Jubbler and my other best friend whom I shall call... 3M. It was fun, in a boring kind of way. Good information and such, I think the highlight for me was talking about teen attendance and such. People were all asking for my opinions and such, pretty cool.
We were rushing out of there cause I had to go to the second play performance.
And my sister put peanut butter on the Jubbler's face.
He's allergic to peanut butter.
Ohhh sheit.
He was saying that it's okay, he doesn't think anything bad will happen. I'm still nervous. I'm worried that his throat will swell up and he won't be able to breathe, since he said that that was what happened years ago.
For a quick sum-up of our back story. We met in 4th grade and became friends. He had a crush on me. And still does.
Anyways, so we're driving back and I turn around to check on him.
His eyes are closed and his head is leaning against the window.
Heart skips a beat.
I ask my sister to check if he's breathing. She says he is. But I can't see anything. So I'm freaking out on the inside. I kept checking back to see if he was breathing, or would wake up.
He was breathing shallowly and wouldn't wake up.
He had gotten approximately one hour of sleep last night, so I don't know if he's sleeping or passed out.
As we're getting near the school tears are starting to form and I'm holding them back.
See, my problem is... I don't know if I 'like' him or not. I didn't in 4th grade and there was a big dealio with that... but he's one of my best friends and is always there for me.
And lately I've been feeling things that I don't know what they are.
And now he could be dying or something.
We get to the school and I go in the building, into the room we're hiding out in, and into the corner. Holding back tears and pacing.
I can't hold them back.
People are asking if I'm okay since I'm quiet and standing in a corner without saying "hi." Irritant comes over and sees that I'm trying not to cry. She asks what's wrong and I can't tell her. I don't want to start full out crying and I know I will if I talk about it.
She supported me and told people to not ask too many questions.
On the upside of that time, one of the play cast whom is my friend and whom I shall call... umm... Gaaaahhhhh.... Micah I guess. That may change. Anyways, she liked my story that I've started up for the like, fourth time.
Then Ms. Principal came in and starts talking. I'm sitting on a stack of chairs with a Kleenex in my hand and she asks me and other stage manager what our opinion was of our first performance. Other Stage Manager, she controls the lights, didn't look like she knew what to say. So I start talking. And guess what. I start getting all choked up as I talk. GAHHH!
Then me and Other Stage Manager head off towards the stage.
As we're walking down the hallway I see the Jubbler standing in the hallway.
I hug him. And I told him that he scared me so much.
Then we go to the stage and I've got happy light feeling that he's okay. I'm still all choked up and such. But I sure as hell am relieved.
Afterwards we went to Grand Old Creamery for a cast party. I said Hi, Bye and then wen't to Baker's Square for a late dinner.

So today he's still over. I got Silence of the Lambs and a new Nickelback CD from Best Buy. While we're in my room he loses his cell phone. His parents are gonna kill him, he said. He's trying not to cry because we had FOUND it before and used that to let him stay longer. His parents are gonna be MAD.
So he's trying not to cry and I don't know what to do.
I grab his hand to comfort him.
We sat there, holding hands.
His parents came, and I went out to be polite and all that. He comes out a few minutes later. (Mom was talking with his dad.) He leaves.
I go back in the room and my CD player is paused on a song.
It's "Far Away" on my new CD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGTy69tO_XM
Oh my god.
Then he comes back in quickly as I'm about to close my door. And he hugs me.
Oh my god.
He leaves. I have a lump in my throat.
Oh my god.

... wow.

Name update: Nope, still stuck with Kitty.

My GOD I love Dr. Horrible!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog#s-p1-st-i0
Best thing ever, not kidding.

Anyways, updates: Spazm got to 7 days of no sleep, she slept last night but is unfortunately not completely caught up. I have decided that without sleep there is so much more I can do, therefore I'm going to try and stay up 24 hours without sleep. Homework, writing... There is so much I need to do... So much I want to do... *sigh*

Just now so much happened at one time. Stress. Blah. Spazm is cranky, like always, but this time moreso because she's having sleeping issues. Family friend who's staying over for a while called all panicky like and asked Mom to pick her up. Nevousness. THEN, Mom calls after leaving and she's lost! So I'm all trying to navigate her using some map website I don't know how to use as she's driving around... not easy.

I've so far been able to get two people to start watching Dr. Horrible! So far one of them likes it, Irritant is being skeptical again. She needs to open her mind man. She can't see feeling in classical music, doesn't get sci-fi or fantasy and is being mean at Dr. Horrible. :(

Speaking of, for spirit week this year we didn't get superhero day. I FREAKING WANTED SUPERHERO DAY!!! I was gonna go as Dr. Horrible! I even found the goggles for THREE BUCKS! *squiggly anger lines above head* What's so great about fancy pants day anyways?