Possibly long thing.

Okay, there is too much now.

I finished my Mind book. Very interesting and now I need books on psychotherapy and such.
The thing Ela and I planned was that we and Spazm would go to Battle Lake to do a project. Probably not going to happen, I'll just drag them up there some other time.
Easter was fun, talked with family and such awesome great.

What I'm here to talk about is the Jubbler.
I can't finish this conversation without venting, even if it IS just at text.
GOD! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THROW THIS AT ME!
I know there are people who are having problems worse than mine... but WHY do I have to have a, for lack of a better word, stalker. He CAN'T give me up. And now I know that it's ruining his social life as well as grades and he's started crying randomly in class sometimes because of it.
I swear to fucking god Ela if you say one damn word of this to him I will personally be there to kick your ass so hard into the ground kangaroos in Australia will jump an extra foot.
I will post the conversation and you can think what you like. Names are changed of course.

The Jubbler

ugh, i need to talk with you, i wanted to do it in person which was why i wanted to come over so much, but i guess this is the next best thing

Paroxysm

okay

The Jubbler

uhm, ok, i know i can't get over this thing with you no matter how hard i try, the only way i could ever think of was to give up on us being friends which i wont do, but idk, what can i do?

Paroxysm

I don't really know, to be honest. The only thing I can think of is if we have some "ourselves" time and then maybe you'll be able to look at other girls or... you know, move on and all that... This is the first time I've had to deal with things like this so I don't know what doing certain things would do.

You could talk it over with friends at MSA... they could probably help you more than me.

The Jubbler

i hate to be panicky, but this is just hopeless, there's really nothing for me anymore, i just dont know what i can do with my life anymore

Paroxysm

Oh Jubbler, please don't say that. You have so many friends at MSA. Your whole life can't revolve around me, I'm not nearly that important. You have such a wonderful life to live, one little setback can't ruin it for you!

The Jubbler

it's a setback, but it's not little, and cuz of it i've lost most of my friends, grades, etc. i've just started crying randomly in the middle of class a few times

Paroxysm

How can it make you lose friends?

or grades?

The Jubbler

i lose focus, i don't spend any time thinking about my work

same sort of thing with friends, i don't really talk to them anymore and i just sit by myself with my head on the table

Paroxysm

Oh... please Jubbler, you can't spend your whole life thinking about it.

The Jubbler

i know, id say some stupid stuff right now, but i won't for risk of sounding more cheesy than i already have

Paroxysm

No, no. Say what you need to, please

The Jubbler

ok, I just can't give up on it, you're probably the most important thing that's ever happened to me, and i really... idk. i care about you too much

Paroxysm

I understand... but that doesn't mean you can give up your life because of it. You don't have to give up on me, but you can't constantly think about it.

The Jubbler

yeah, that's my problem, i cant not think about you without giving up entirely, which i can never do.

Paroxysm

But you can Jubbler. You can think of other things. Engage yourself with your friends and listen to them. You'll have fun and be distracted from feeling bad. You can Jubbler, if you try.

The Jubbler

ok, i suppose i have to try, but be warned, i don't plan on giving up on this anytime soon, and you'll always be my best friend, even if i can't have an actual conversation with you.

Paroxysm

You're my best friend too :)

The Jubbler

=)

I don't know what to do or think. I keep wondering what I should do. If I should say that we could try, but if I do that it would break his heart if I broke up with him. If I leave it like this then his life is falling to pieces.
Spazm is right, I do have a fear of commitment... but I can't... I don't know... God. I don't know.
I just don't know.

Screw this.

I'm in History again. But this time I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do.
I'm e-mailing Ela... sort of and daydreaming... sort of. I have to look like I'm doing SOMETHING History related.
I'm a bad person, I know. I'm wasting class time... oh fucking no. I really really really am in a bad mood today. I can't quite figure out why.
Maybe it's because it's Tuesday?

Easter was fun. I got my candy and all that (though I had to babysit Friday and Saturday evening.) I talked with 3M and the Jubbler on Facebook... 3M told me that I should start playing Maplestory again. Maplestory is a really really really fun MMORP that I played a while back, I stopped mainly because it didn't work on Vista computers for a while. I tried downloading it again and had lots of problems but eventually (three hours) I got it done... Then had no time to play because I had to go to my Grandparents house.

I'll talk about the rest of the day as well as what Ela and I planned in English today most likely when I get home... but I may have too much homework then so I may just try to find time to write later....

A Big Jumble of Rambling... hehe

I wrote this in history class in an e-mail to myself with my work.

I should totally just start typing to look like  I'm doing
something useful. I could post this in my blog and say "HEY
I ran out of things to do in History class!"
He's here *runs* Alright, he's gone again... There are two
girls next to me who are doing spanish stuff, they keep
laughing and Mr. History Teacher is half-laughing at them
too... you know that whole Its funny but I'm not supposed to
laugh thing? except he doesn't really do this so he's probly
just thinking what the hell are they doing? Any ways. I've
gottta a buncch of work done and now I've got five minutes
to type randoms stuff that doenst really matter. Yay for
fun. I have band next hour. It really bothers me how people
act in my 6th hour (band/geography) they never shut up and
listen to the teacher. In geography it got us an extra
assignment... a BIG extra assignment. It pisses me off. Then
everyone in band is really disrespectful to Mr. Band Teacher
and I can't figure out why. He's a really nice guy and a
good teacher, they just WON'T do anything right! That class
needs to SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!
Anyways. So I have Band next and I'll have my time to go "oh
my god shut up!"... yay. Oh well, at least the day is almost
over. I can't wait for enrichment! I've got so much to show
Ms. Myth and the class! Yesterday we learned about coats of
arms and she told us if we had time to to look up our family
ones. I gotta go, I'll finish later.

Hehe. Band wasn't AS bad as usual. Yeah, I had fun in Enrichment. We talked about our project thing, which I will explain about at a later date, and next time I'm gonna show them my Coat of Arms that I found and the one I made. When I showed Ms. Myth mine she said my motto was amazing. It was "Find and Accept". The actual one for my last name is "Stand Sure", she said that there is no one that models it better than me... I got a warm, happy, fuzzy feeling. I love that class.
I also found a webpage that shows how I'm related to Adele of France who was the mother-in-law of William the Conqeror.
hehehe, I got a cupcake from Access today... It was a DAMN good cupcake. Absolutely incredible.
I dunno, I've kinda run out of ramble room since History.

Writing Update: I found my notebook for Ghost!!! Yay!! Someone in Enrichment found it and gave it back to me. I have filled up my second sketchbook of writing!! Moved onto third, wrote one section and have drawn my own crest in it.

Music Update: Nothing new xP

Gonna go to the Mall with Ela, Spazm and hopefully Cloud tomorrow. No school! Good Friday! Yay! It means I get a day off! Sunday is Easter. YAY CANDY!!!

Last Day of Spring Break...

Phooey.
I've got homework I've gotta do today. Blah.
I went over to Spazm's house again. It was fun, we watched shows and did tarot card readings and such. Heh. At midnight we watched the creepiest fucking thing EVER. It was a show called Ghost Adventures. These guys find places that are called haunted and lock themselves in to see if they are. This episode was in an old insane asylum. Where 10,000 people had died, patients and nurses. That place is creepy man. It was the scariest thing ever, I mean, seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5616nvIPmi0
There ya go. That was. Heh.
When Spazm and I saw the hand we FREAKED. I couldn't stop laughing, and shivering, and I was laughing so hard I was crying and... yeah it was cool.
Yay for asylums.

Okay, I'm having problems again. I had the Jubbler over this week.
After the first day (he stayed over for two) things got kind of awkward. Boring. All that. See, he has this problem where he never voices his opinion, at least not around me, and so we had nothing to do. After he went home I went to Spazm's house (see above). When I got home there was this e-mail in my inbox.

blah, just getting this over with... ive actually been thinking about this for awhile and the time at your place really helped make up my mind

i dont think i can really stay friends with you because of this whole.... thing with you. i just cant really think about the rest of my life cuz i cant think about anything else. dont get me wrong, i wish i could stay good friends with you, but... blahh

well whatever happens, i wanna say that you've always been a great, awesome person and i wish i could talk to you as good as say... i dunno, Neal, but i can't and because of that i know i'll never stand a chance with you, even just as a friend.

*sigh*

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO RESPOND WITH!!!
WHAT DO I SAY??
God..

So I've found a couple of things
1.) Freerice.com has more than just vocabulary things to do. You can do math problems and spanish words and so on. Last night I donated 2000 grains of rice to starving countries.
2.) this website is the saddest and best thing to do when suffering from writer's block (thank you, thank you). http://www.85qm.de/up/BigRedButton.swf

Over at Spazm's place we also got some good ideas for the sequel. I wrote a good three sections last night. I've got a good amount of ideas to write about... unfortunately I'm having issues writing them. Oh well, Mom said we may be going to the laundromat today (our washing machine broke) so I'll have time to write and think and do homework and all that jazz.
We may get some frozen yogurt, Ela.
Heehee, Dr. Horrible will be running through my head the whole time we're there.

Music Update: I'm going through a Daughtry phase. I like their songs It's Not Over, and What About Now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6s8C2DvfGo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylgchWR-Ig&feature=channel

What About Now is the song that got me back to freerice.com. I should take a bunch of friends to Feed My Starving Children some day. What do you think Ela? Do you know when the next trip is?

Wednesday... or is it?!?

I skipped a day somehow... I thought it was Wednesday. And it's Thursday. I thought it was Tuesday yesterday... so did I have an extra Monday?

I'm incredibly tired... Blah.. I wanna take a nap or just lay down and think, but I've got a friend over.

Dad found a game that's a lot like World of Warcraft... yay for substitution.
Right now I'm gonna play Heroes of Might and Magic though... I may type more later.